What do you do when your best isn’t good enough? Olympians train for years for the chance to be a world champion. Athletes from little league to professionals practice over and over to get ready for game day. Meanwhile, across town, across the state, country or even on the other side of the world, an opponent is training for the same sport, same game, same opportunity.
On my honor, I will do my best, to do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the scout law. To help other people at all times. To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight. Growing up I recited the Boy Scout Oath countless times. Engrained it into my brain. I can recite the scout oath and law at any given time. I became an Eagle Scout at age 15. Once you’re an Eagle, you’re always an Eagle. But after having the medallion penned on your uniform it becomes not about completing the merit badge or rank requirements. Not about completing your Eagle project or Board of Review. Not about reciting the Oath. It should during your time as a scout, but after the award it becomes about living it. On my honor, I will do my best.
While after saying it so many times it’s easy to say I will do my best. Living it though, is not.
As a kid I played basketball, baseball, football and one year I played soccer. From middle school through high school I wrestled and played football. Athletic, no. Competitive, yes.
The older I get the more I know who and what I want to be. I know who and what I want to be known for.
So what happens when your all isn’t good enough. What happens when you lose the game? What happens when your best left the client or customer nothing short of disappointed in your work, your effort or even worse you.
Over the last few years I’ve had the opportunity to start a new business, restart an existing business and also move into a leadership role of a 60+ year old company. While they didn’t all happen at the same time running each of them today does happen simultaneously. Most people don’t understand what I actually do and therefore are quick to judge or question. I’ve grown to be ok with that. “Often our mistakes provided the greatest lessons, humbled us, and enabled us to grow and become better. For leaders, the humility to admit and own mistakes and develop a plan to overcome them is essential to success.” (Willink & Babin, 2015, p. 8)
Over the last six years I’ve become a student again. Formally a college student when I returned to complete my bachelors at Appalachian State University during COVID. A student in the Harvard Business School Club of Charlotte Managers Development Program. A student in Bell Leadership Institute’s Achievers Program and several other short form courses on anything from writing and communication to continuous improvement, AI, marketing and more. I’ve also become a student of observation and note taking in every role I’ve worked in and now in every meeting and interaction. Every conversation is an opportunity for some take away, lesson or improvement. When you wind yourself up to that level, you also have to grow mindful of what you do with the information you obtain. How you lead, how you communicate, how you show up, execute and follow through are all under a magnifying glass.
I’m currently working my way through Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink for a second time. This time with a group across three businesses where we talk through one chapter per week together. Leadership has taught me many valuable lessons. What I could do, should do, should or shouldn’t say. What training I failed to do. Where it worked well. The list goes on and on.
From my experience, no one knows my potential better than my wife. She’s seen every version of me. From best to worst and everything in between.
At my core, more than anything I want to create a positive impact on the world around me. My friend Randy Gravitt wrote a game changer book for me “Winning Begins at Home.” So, starting at home. In my faith. In my marriage. With my kids. It may sound cliche or like a Sunday school answer but if I don’t have a positive impact starting at home what does it really matter what I accomplish anywhere else? To me, it doesn’t.
As hallmark movie as that sounds, I. Fall. Short. I’m human. But really I can say home has taught me more about becoming the man I should be and need to be than any classroom, podcast or leadership development program ever will.
Listen! Seriously. Most people will tell you what they need if you listen. Don’t listen to respond. Listen to understand. Want to be a trophy husband? Listen. Want to be a rock star in your job? Listen to your customers. Listen to your boss. Listen to your team. Most of the time people will tell you what they need you to know to get what they’re after. Listen to them.
Communication. The only way to share what you need or are trying to get across is to communicate openly. John Maxwell wrote a book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.” In marriage especially, connect. Effective communication is a language you should master in every aspect of your life. I have led sales teams, operations teams and businesses. I am 100% confident that communication can make or break a customer relationship faster than missing the mark on the job itself will. Recently in my equipment dealership we had a customer who dropped off a tractor for repair. We communicated an expected delay early on but then failed to follow up. The day before the customers tractor was due in the shop he called us very upset because he’d not got an update in some time. I took full responsibility for the lack of communication. Unfortunately I didn’t have insight to the issue until the customer called. The lesson was beyond the deal itself. Lost service revenue. Probably lost the relationship with the customer even though we had good conversations together. The lack of communication and missing the mark implemented new service dashboards and customer communication protocols. Miss and learn. Communication can save customer relationships, family dynamics and marriages.
Integrity. I’ve always viewed honesty and integrity going hand in hand and wrongfully used them interchangeably in the past. Really integrity goes with trust. Do what you say. Show up. Follow through. Last year I joined my friend Travis Stoetzel’s Forged Father Program. On the first call we talked about where I’m missing the mark at home and he questioned my integrity. It landed wrong to be honest and I didn’t like what he said. But the more I leaned in and understood what he was saying and what my wife needed the more I understood they were right. Your spouse deserves to trust you and trust can be broken by repeatedly missing the mark and not following through. A leaky faucet or stuck door you said you’d fix but got busy and forgot. Seems minimal to you but not to her if you told her you’d take care of them and didn’t. Do what you say you will do. Over and over and over again. You’re only as good as your word. Make good on it. Same goes for supporting customers or doing your job at work. Show up. Do what you say. Follow through.
Trust. Formed and forged over time. Broken in an instant. You must have trust in a successful marriage. It can be restored. But the timeline for rebuilding trust does not fall to the one who broke trust to decide. Trust can be built or broken from a number of things. Trust is a must in your job. Your customers trust you to take care of their needs. Your employer trusts you to do your job. Your colleagues trust you to pull your weight.
Intentions < Impact. One time in church I read scripture and when I sat down a lady behind us patted me on the shoulder and said, “well, you tried.” I didn’t think I messed up and I’m sure her intent was to encourage me. The impact in that situation really was more entertaining for me and my family who heard her, but I’m almost positive her intentions were not what landed. You can mean well. You can say and do things with the best of intentions. We miss the mark if we don’t consider the impact of our words and actions. At home. At work. At church. In line at the grocery store. Every interaction.
Justification. It took me a lot longer than it should to not justify every word or action when what I did or didn’t say or do was questioned. Your intentions are useless if you only respond or go about things with what you did, didn’t do or meant by what you said or did. Defending your position leaves the other party feeling unheard, ignored or that you don’t care what they are trying to communicate.
Acknowledge. When you miss the mark, admitting it, owning it and acknowledging your mistake or shortfall are critical elements to course correct. Sometimes the critical part is not only acknowledging the miss but acknowledging how that miss impacted the other party. Your tone impacts your spouses feelings. Your missing a deadline at work impacts the company and/or the client or customer. Don’t just own the miss, lean it to and acknowledge how the miss affects the other party.
Apologize. I’ve been terrible at it. Owning mistakes are important but the empathy it takes to apologize is another level. There have been times where I meant to or thought I apologized but didn’t. Say you’re sorry. Then change for the better.
Marriage continues to show me more and more where I can be better and how my best self can have a positive impact on the world that’s most important to me. In business, you learn and evolve everyday or you are history. Over the last year and a half I’ve learned more from the school of hard knocks and figuring it out as I go than I did in any classroom.
Keep swinging. I can’t control the outcomes ones. But I can control who I am when I walk into the room. Learn from your mistakes and show up better tomorrow because of it.
References
Willink, J., & Babin, L. (2015). Extreme ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs lead and win. St. Martin’s Press.
Gravitt, R. (2024). Winning begins at home: A strategy to win beyond work—A leadership parable. Maxwell Leadership.
Maxwell, J. C. (2010). Everyone communicates, few connect: What the most effective people do differently. Thomas Nelson.
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